Another Beautiful California Night
English 100 with Jim Sullivan has been my first English class here in America and it was my joy that its subject manner revolved around California Dreams, which I found so intriguing because I was just beginning to start my CA dream. Everything about the quality of the class work was top notch, and I especially liked the work book with its varied outlooks on the dream, which I annotated vigorously, and it is something I will keep with me for a long time. The classwork has opened my eyes and made me think in a whole new light, when I look back in reflection to my original analysis on essay writing skills. Because of the class I feel confidence in many new things about my writing, such as: I write more fluently with the help of new vocabulary, style and conjunction words are now part of my writing, I have learned MLA formatting which helped me in all my other classes, also I learned how to set up and integrate ideas (and to not introduce ideas without support to back it up), I’ve developed how to use active voice, and can overall write sentences a lot better. As a result, with all these new skills I can now create a decent college level essay, I am proud of. Although it all took plenty of effort to get to where I am mentally today, I am so pleased to have chosen English with Jim, as I absolutely enjoyed everything about the learning process. My favorite post would be “Getting Rich Quick”, as I believe my recount and interpretation of the evidence from the “Psycho” scene worked perfectly with my dream, and I also found it the most enjoyable to write about.
My four posts of two movies, a photo and a collage together give examples of celebration, derogation and contradiction to different Californian Dreams today.
Getting Rich Quick
“Psycho” was my most recent post of the four chosen, and my best. Repetition of ideas was a problem for me that I worked through with this post, and the others. From the original post, I improved my commas and concision in many places, throughout its entirety. I really liked how I wrote the details in the shower scene description, and the overall E/I was thorough, thus why it was my best post to date. Finally, I came up with a clincher sentences I liked that both tied the dream back to California and actually made sense!
Arcadia and Utopia
This photograph of the Schnabel house inspired me from the beginning to contradict the dream of Arcadia and Utopia and I enjoyed writing about it. I definitely worked hard on the details of the house in this post, using them for evidence to support the contradiction. Concision was another factor, where I fixed grammatical errors, worked on commas, and narrowed down sentences to get to the point. I liked how I tied the quotes in early on, and I actually deleted quotes so to have half the paragraph dedicated to support, with no new introductions of ideas that I did not cover. Also sentences variety was a factor I incorporated throughout the post.
I definitely liked this dream of working hard, and although it was an early on post I worked to get it to a stage, where I thought was very thorough. Analysis wise, I thought my E/I was decent but I worked to improve the details about the film techniques, to tie it all back to the protagonist. I changed active voice in parts, and integrated a new clincher sentence from the original to complete the ideas.
With this post, first off I changed the introduction sentence to better suit my ideas in the paragraph. Also, I had many quotes for this one and deleted some to only add the necessary ideas. Furthermore, I used subordination and conjunction adverbs to better increase the posts style. I increased E/I details so it suited the art piece more directly, and reshaped the clincher to add the contradiction to the dream. I really liked writing about this art piece, and think it is overall, fairly good.